One week left.

I can't believe it.

I have one week of high school left.

I have a range of emotions in me. I'm sad, happy, relieved, excited. I don't want it to end but I know that to continue it must.

Shout Out/AP Testing

First of all I just want to give a shout out to my only follower - YOU ROCK, KATE!

AP Tests have finally arrived. Starting tomorrow at 8 am tomorrow I and my fellow AP students will find out if our studying was worth it.

I should really be in bed right now so I'll write about testing tomorrow.

Auf Wiedersehen!

May 28th

May 28. My last day of high school. Life is truly not long enough. I can remember freshmen year thinking that in 4 year I would be graduating. It is now almost here.

The end is bittersweet.

I am happy to start the next chapter in my life. I am going to be a counselor at a camp in California! I really want to learn how to surf. I just hope that there is minimal drama & I apply sunscreen enough. Afterwards - college. I found the perfect college and I am pumped to meet new friends.

I am also ready for a new set of friends. I love my current friends but I've changed. I want to discuss collegial ideas. I have realized that I am a better friend to them than they are to me. It stinks but hopefully I will find friends that appreciate me as much as I appreciate them.

I am sad because these are people who I have grown up with. Some of them I have know for 12 plus years! The sad reality is that I won't see some of my classmates after graduation. Some of them won't come to reunions and others won't have facebooks. In addition, I will be going away for college so I won't be able to see my friends on weekends.

From the list the positives outweigh that negatives but I will definitely be wearing waterproof mascara on May 28th.

Lots of love,

Courtney

I never expected how much change I would encounter this year. I feel myself becoming somewhat wiser and start to value life.

We take life for granted. Too often we go through our lives as spectators. We watch ourselves and do whatever seems expected of us. We never take control and live... really live. We are afraid to do things that most consider weird. As I look back on my 18 years I am shocked that I have never took the chance to do something that scared me. 18 years is a long time but I have been afraid of rejection.

This ends now. I am going to sing to the radio in my car. I am going to wear what I want. I am going to find the beauty in every setting. I am going to truly live.

As I end this post. I hope that when I read this in the future I am still truly living.

Loving Each New Day,

Courtney

Self-Discovery

This year has been filled with self-discovery.

As a child I was taught that you are beautiful the way you are but this philosophy has changed into my teenage years. Now it is - you have to change what you look like and what you enjoy for boys. You can't say certain things but always says others. I'm stinking tired of the flip-flop idea. I want to be myself but will I be single forever? As much as I like to tell myself I don't want to get married or children I know that I'm desperate for that type of life (not now, mind you but 7 years or so.) Recently, my youth director Bryan posted a quote on his facebook. It was that God created you perfectly. So if I am perfect why can't I get a decent guy to fall for me?

Maybe it is because Valentine's Day is around the corner but I've been feeling a little confused about love.

Such is life my non-existent readers. See you in a few weeks.

Sending Good Vibes,

Courtney

From The Beginning

Hello Non-Readers,

With senior year more than half way over I'm finding myself meeting more of my classmates or growing closer to ones I already know.  I often think "Wow, I wish I knew you sooner."  It is amazing how we often start to really care for other when we know our time with them is coming to the end.

So, I have an idea.  I am going to start completely caring for a person as soon as I meet them. This way when my time ends with them I know that I truly established a close bond with them.

Care always,

Courtney

So I'm doing amazingly well at updating. False.

As I talk to my fellow classmates about certain colleges requiring 3 - 4 essays I'm curious, is it necessary?  I also wonder how unequal it becomes when some students have their AP English teacher edit their papers while others edit it themselves.  When does it stop becoming the student's paper and becomes the teacher's?

I sometimes wish I could write using large words and flowing lines.

I sometimes wish I listened to music that wasn't mainstream.

I sometimes wish I had the confidence to wear clothes that would be fashionable in NYC but not Ohio.

I sometimes wish I could be happy with being size 2.

I sometimes wish I could control my Anxiety Disorder and people understood it.

But...

I love my pale skin.

I love my organizational skills.

I love that I have my best friend always with me.

I love how easily I cry while watching romantic comedies.

I love myself.